Secondary School: My Experience

Hate to start this on a bad note but this is not easy for me to write and to be really honest with you I've had to sensor a lot of things because, I don't mind getting personal, but there is parts where it gets Personal with a capital P. Anyway what my experience taught me there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Lets start at the beginning: Year 7. Okay imagine a lanky girl with a bob wearing a really oversized uniform. Yes Willy Wanker is still fresh in my mind. But my first day/ week is a bit of a blur all I remember is making friends with this girl who, at the time seemed like a great friend, but in hindsight used me and thought that I was vulnerable and an easy friend. At the age and time I thought it would be a great idea to share my BIGGEST SECRET EVER with this girl and needless to say that it spread round the year group like wildfire. I got tormented rotten for it, but at the end of the day I now realise that it was all meaningless and shouldn't have affected me the way it did. Things at home have never been great but school was my kind of release, my safe place, but that was torn away from me all because I trusted the wrong person. This then caused me to start acting up and just being a little shit. By the end of Year 7 I must have been excluded 10 times at least. I was also very friendless because nobody wanted to be friends with the naughty broken kid.

After a summer spent in beautiful Egypt, Year 8 roles around and in retrospect this was probably the best school year. I was doing well in all my subjects, but school wasn't my happy place and nor was home I got confused and anxious. It was also around this time that I met the person who I should probably punch but thank at the same time, I'll call this person Paper for privacy reasons. So naturally Paper new of my secret and at first we were friends but then my moods would just swing and I would be horrible to everyone close to me and that meant that Paper and I were no longer friends. We would have arguments all the time, sometimes physical fights, one of which ended in paper sitting on my. Not only did I get into fights with Paper I also got into a lot, and I mean A LOT of arguments and fights with other people, more so with this one girl, we shall name her Fairy. I was angry and jealous at Fairy for being friends with that girl that I was friends with in year 7, looking back it wasn't Fairy's fault. I was just an angry little kid.

In Year 9, I had even more arguments with Fairy, but coinsidently it was the year that I met one of my bestest friends. The broken kid was fixed. Or so they thought, things at home were just going from bad to worst and that meant that I would lash out more at school. It was my way of releasing all my anger and jealousy. At times I would just become another person. At school I was this loud, angry, aggressive and disruptive kid but at home I was the complete opposite. This is also the year that I got diagnosed with depression.

Year 10 came and this was the worst year of my life, home life and school life. I was just getting into loads of arguments with these girls and butting into arguments that were not even my arguments to have. All this arguing was getting to me and without going into to much detail, things at home were horrendous. I got so depressed that I tried to end my own life. I dont think I will ever be able to explain how bad thing actually were. Just imagine being tied to the floor and having a brick put on you one by one, at first you can handle it but suddenly it all gets to much. Thats when I moved school, I knew the problem wasn't the school it was me. I needed a new start. And so did my family, they moved to the other side of the world. I was alone.

Once I moved school, I became so much happier, was able to come off antidepressants, I reinvented myself. I was no longer that angry naughty girl who picked fights with anything that had a pulse. I was the new girl and nobody knew me. I met the most amazing people and came out with enough qualifications to go and do what I want to do and for once in 5 years my life is looking up.

When I talk to my friend that I made in year nine, it's weird seeing and hearing about yourself from someone elses point of view but then nobody has every really seen it from mine. Nobody really knew the struggles and battles I was fighting everyday. But I can finally see the light